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"When I returned to my office there was a long, white box leaning against the door with a pink ribbon around it. No card and no name on the box. I stepped back down the hall and flung a shoe at it. It fell over and I waited a minute, then picked it up and took it in my office.I cut the ribbon and opened the box. Inside, wrapped in tissue, were a dozen Black roses; the symbol of death. They weren't real but made of paper. Someone didn't want these beauties to wilt. I closed the lid and sat back in my office chair; someone was dogging my trail and evidently wanted me dead.I considered calling Ram, but thought the better of it. It could be a prank or some delivery service was confused, but I really didn't think so. Besides, I knew there'd be nothing to trace on the box or the flowers, so I threw them in the waste basket. I hadn't used the remote starter on the Z since the weather warmed up, but I thought I'd better use it again.Another week passed with no more flowers or dead punks. Plus we need males for propagating our race." More cheers from the bowels of the mine."But, Queen Vulva, how do you speak our language so fluently?" Ripley asked.The Queen explained, "For years we have picked up signals from your various media outlets: CNN, NBC, ESPN, and YouPorn."I remained full of questions. "But, where are YOUR men?" We have no living men. We fucked them all to death after binge-watching PornHub," Queen Vulva clarified to which our three male crew members came rushing into the room demanding citizenship. "Besides we do not need men for companionship. Our tongues can unfurl to the length and girth of an Earth python." Now it was Ripley and I who begged for citizenship."While I take your rocket to Earth to enslave your males, we will keep you safe and comfortable. Princess Labia, show our guests to the hot springs for the complimentary three-hour deep-tissue massage and cucumber riding rodeo. But first, can you provide directions to your Home Depot? We need a tool.
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